So, first, the pool was only open to summer school students. :( Kinda sad about that part.
Now about this conversation. It was longer than I thought it would be, but the outcome was the same. Him saying, “I have needs. Was I just supposed to sit around and wait for you? I did nothing wrong! I can’t understand why you don’t wanna be friends…” blah blah blah.
But during the conversation he said something like, “I’ve had thoughts about other girls, but I never acted on them. But I’m single and I wanted to live my life and blah blah blah…”
After the convo (I didn’t tear up on the phone! my voice cracked a bit tho) I realized the reason I was so hurt was because I would never do that to him. Ever ever ever. But of course he was like, “Well okay, but you and I are two different people.” This statement led me to believe that maybe I shouldn’t be with other people. Because when I was with him, dudes would holla at me all the time but I wouldn’t even give them the time.
Never once did I think about having sex with somebody else.
And I think that’s my downfall. My flaw. Maybe I “love to hard”. When I was with him, I only wanted to do things with him. Nobody else. And for him to tell me that he had the thoughts he just didn’t act on them…
Maybe I don’t need to be with another person. I’m pretty sure this isn’t uncommon. I’m pretty sure guys think about fucking girls that aren’t their girlfriends all the time right? Right? Then I’m not built to be with anybody.
The last thing I said to him was, “When you think about texting me or calling me, just text or call that girl you was fucking with. Bye Daquane.”
It felt mean coming from my mouth, but that’s how I felt.
I’m sure when I don’t care anymore, I will forgive him. Maybe?
I’m a mess. Please believe I stopped to the liquor store after this.
During that conversation I realized he hurt me. Really hurt me.
It made me realize you can’t trust people man. They will tell you one thing, and then do another, and then be surprised at your pain.
When I tell yall I will be single for a very very long time, believe me. I’m not built for it. I want to be with somebody that only wants to be with me and it appears that that will never happen.
Yall. I am so hurt.
I feel like i’m in elementary school saying my feelings are hurt. But it’s the truth. The tears are forming right now. Our relationship aint mean shit to you? Really? So why waste my time then? If you wanted to be with whoever, why not break up with me asap?